


"... Be The One I Can Never Be."

by zkxxdlin



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha Park Chanyeol, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Endgame ChanBaek, M/M, Omega Byun Baekhyun, Omega Do Kyungsoo | D.O, Omega Kim Jongdae | Chen, Omega Kim Jongin | Kai, Romance, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zkxxdlin/pseuds/zkxxdlin
Summary: ... because Do Kyungsoo was not the Alpha that Byun Baekhyun needed.





	"... Be The One I Can Never Be."

Heaves and pants were the only sounds that could be heard about the room. Rapidly rising chests and heavily slackened jaws only adding to the imagery, solidifying the state the people were in, the _couple_ were in.

Bare skin on bare skin, calloused hands soon found their way onto smoother, more slender ones; the contrast of their palms mirrored in that of their skin too, tanned crawling into pale. The sight was mesmerising to say the least, portraying somewhat of an ombré effect in motion— sun-kissed enveloping the white, wrapping and holding and _embracing_ it—

Much like their love, too.

Giving, and giving, and giving. That was what their love was like, that was what _Kyungsoo’s_ love was like. A man of few words he may be; his humility expressing itself in his silence and reservation, but a man of action he was. With his touches and his whispers, fleeting and gentle in motion, but heavy and loud in their being. With his holds and reminders, steady and muted as a whole, but ever so solid, ever so _grounding._ With his embraces and his declarations, rare and far in between, but always, _always,_ so very tender, and so very _loving._

_Fond. Affectionate._

_Loving._

_Kyungsoo_ loved _Baekhyun_.

… and it was an observation, a statement that has long become fact, a thought that has now been set in stone, widely accepted and just as famous as the other sentences; _“He would do anything for Baekhyun”, “He’s such an absolute idiot for Hyunnie”,_ and _“Baekhyun Pabo!”_ being the few others. These few words were ones that the pair had been audience to multiple times, both Omegas hearing the same few sentences spilled from the same few people every time they would meet up and gather with the others.

Yet they never got tired of it, never got tired of hearing them.

It would have probably irked just about anyone else, and both persons were aware of that. After all, having to hear the same few lines slurred from the lips of the same drunken, sometimes even exasperated people might have peeved just about any other person, especially so when they’ve been doing so for over half a decade now.

… but neither Omega could find it in himself to care, much less be bothered. In fact, they rather enjoyed it; enjoyed listening to the same lines. Lines detailing of just how far the both of them would go for the other, lines elaborating just how deeply in love they were with the other, lines analysing just how stupidly in love they looked whenever their eyes would land on the other.

It was nice.

It was sweet.

… and it was _romantic._

… Although the last adjective would be one that neither Omega would catch himself admitting out loud, because as much as both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo found the _complaints_ of their fellow Omega friends to be, well, _romantic,_ they’d both rather be caught dead than to admit just how ridiculously happy it made them feel to have their love be so blatantly pointed out. At the end of the day, they both still had their pride, and they both didn’t need to be teased even more, no matter how much they liked it.

Which was why the two would always bury their heads in the other’s shoulder, Kyungsoo surprisingly being the one doing so more often than not. Yet the frequency of his action was justifiable, for it was always Kyungsoo that had his affections laid out more often than Baekhyun’s. This was expected, of course, for being a man of few words Kyungsoo always expressed his feelings— his affection, his _love_ more physically, and the contrast was stark.

Nevermind if Baekhyun was the one seeking out Kyungsoo’s lips for pecks, nevermind if Baekhyun was the one latching onto Kyungsoo’s shirts to hold him, nevermind if Baekhyun was the one shouting, with flushed cheeks and through giddy smiles, his declarations of love for the other, voice booming.

… because Kyungsoo loved Baekhyun _more._

It was in the way he gazed at the other, wide eyes softening, brown orbs warming, _glittering_ against the faint light of the room. _Mesmerised._ It was always how his eyes would get, the rounded orbs dimming in their focus, the calculative gaze softening around the edges the moment his gaze would land on Baekhyun; numbers and names and schedules and _stress_ seemingly melting away as soon as Baekhyun catches his eye.

It was in the way he’d bury his face into the other’s neck, nose digging into the scent glands littered all over the expanse of Baekhyun’s leg, breathing him in— action thought and intended to be subtle, but only ringing out much too starkly considering it came from _him._ His shoulders would lift, chest heaving as he breathed the other in, welcoming the distinct scent of baby powder into his lungs and letting it stain his skin, adoring, _wanting_ to be doused in Baekhyun’s scent, both in and out.

A means of marking, to compromise the fact that their bite marks would never stay. But it wasn’t only a means to counter their biology, for it also fulfilled Kyungsoo’s own need as an attached person— as someone who was _in love—_ the knowledge that their partner was _his,_ just as much as he was _theirs._ That Do Kyungsoo could call Byun Baekhyun _his,_ just as much as Baekhyun could call the former his as well.

It was in the way he’d whisper his affections, pressing them right into the shell of Baekhyun’s ear or into the skin of his neck or fan them across his lips. The words would always be the same three syllables, whispered in a tone always, _always_ so enamored; the _“I love you”_ so reverent, so _fond,_ and always so, _so_ genuine.

… So _in love._

_“Stupidly in love”,_ that’s what their friends would mumble, Jongdae rolling his eyes and Jongin shaking his own head, both of them hiding their own amused smiles into the rim of their glass and in the crook of their elbows respectively. Yet Kyungsoo would pay them no heed, and how could he, when his ears had gone deaf and his eyes gone blind to anything and anyone but Byun Baekhyun?

_“Just marry him already, why don’t you?”_ Jongdae would scoff, groaning into his cocktail, visibly annoyed at having to be audience to Kyungsoo’s _ridiculous_ lovesickness yet _again._ Jongin would only nod his head, as per routine, before subtly nudging the blanking out Omega in the shin, a vain attempt at getting Kyungsoo’s affection.

When that ended up being futile, as per routine once again, Jongin would only sigh, and Jongdae would simply roll his eyes yet again, both of them falling into similar head shakes at the Omega, giving up all hope in ever roping Kyungsoo into a conversation, realising that the man would much rather watch Baekhyun— the way his lips would stretch themselves around his perfect teeth, the way his cheeks, rosey from the exertion, would balloon from the happiness, from _his_ happiness, the way his hands would reach out to the other Omegas, pulling them into a dance, jovial and enthusiastic— _fun._

_Light._

… Byun Baekhyun was _light._

… he was _Kyungsoo’s_ light.

… and Kyungsoo can only hope, smile small and fingers trembling, that Baekhyun would allow Kyungsoo, that Baekhyun would grace him the chance— the _luxury,_ to have him by his side.

From now, and _forever._

…

…

…

… Kyungsoo listens to his friends, he does.

… but only if it’s ever, ever about _Baekhyun._

 

* * *

 

… but sometimes…

Sometimes Kyungsoo wished he hadn’t.

 

 

 

_“I’m so— so sorry, Soo— I r—really—”_

_“— It’s okay, Hyun-ah.” A smile, strained, and eyes away._

_“... It’s okay.”_

 

 

 

… Sometimes he really, really, _really_ wished he hadn’t.

 

* * *

 

He was tall.

Thick, elegantly masculine neck situated about broad, rounded shoulders that tapered off into proportionally thick arms, before ending off in just as large, yet heavily calloused palms and fingers. He was _big,_ and Kyungsoo could understand the appeal. After all, it was normal for every Omega to want to curl up into the arms of someone, especially ones that exuded warmth and protection and comfort and maybe even _home._

Kyungsoo didn’t have to know Park Chanyeol personally to figure that out.

All he needed was one look at him— one look at the Alpha.

… one look at Chanyeol to understand why Baekhyun chose him instead.

… because Kyungsoo always, _always,_ fell short.

He wasn’t as tall; standing just barely head to head with Baekhyun himself. He didn’t tower a head over the other, couldn’t perch his chin on the top of the other’s head, couldn’t hug him from the back and pepper kisses on the crown of the Omega’s head, the part Baekhyun loved being kissed at the most. His shoulders weren’t as broad, in fact his own being much narrower as compared to Baekhyun, the other Omega sometimes finding it rather uncomfortable to lay on. His arms weren’t as big, and neither were they as long; Kyungsoo not able to hold Baekhyun in them, not able to cocoon him— to hug and to hold and to wrap and to _protect_ Baekhyun as much as he wished he could.

… Yet Kyungsoo had thought that it didn’t matter if he wasn’t able to hug Baekhyun the way he wanted, the way he _wished_ he could. He thought that it didn’t matter if he couldn’t hold and wrap his arms around Baekhyun the way he knows Baekhyun wants, the way he wants to himself. He thought that it didn’t matter if he couldn’t provide the wholesome sense of protection, that it’s okay if he fell short on the last one.

… because Kyungsoo thought that his own arms were _home._

And Kyungsoo thought that—

— _that home was enough._

…

…

…

… but how could they be…?

… how could they be enough, when someone could provide them better…?

… _when someone could provide Baekhyun better…?_

 

 

 

_“He loves you, Kyungsoo. He wants to marry you, he’s told me himself,”_ _a scoff into a drink, eyes rolling at the sullen Omega._

_“... but this— this is_ different, _Dae…” a huff, and a squeeze of glass. Grip tight. Heart pinched. “... He wants to try being with an Alpha—”_

_“— But the offer went out to you two, right? ‘Let’s try being with Alphas for once, for our heats’, that’s what was said, right?”_

_A biting of lips, a quiet nod._

_“Then take full advantage of it! Neither of you have ever been with an Alpha before, and you two are young. It’s only natural to want to try things out.” A flippant wave of hand, the trust in the relationship, in_ their _relationship obvious. “Baekhyun loves_ you, _Kyungsoo. I don’t think him spending a week with an Alpha is ever going to change that, much less him wanting to be with you for the rest of his life. Besides…_

_“... He’s already said_ ‘yes’, _hasn’t he…?”_

 

 

 

Kyungsoo remembers.

He remembers that day, the events that happened, the things that they did together that lead up to that moment.

That moment that allowed Kyungsoo, that gave the Omega the chance— the _luxury_ to grace Baekhyun’s finger with platinum and diamonds.

It was magical.

Absolutely, _absolutely magical._

It was the 16th of March, a date Kyungsoo had specifically planned for, a date Kyungsoo had specifically _waited for,_ holding onto the lone ring for over nine months just to be able to give it to Baekhyun on that very day. The numbers of the day, the numbers of the month, it was all pre-planned; calculated.

The 16th.

… For their birthdays fell on the 12th and the 4th respectively; as Kyungsoo _and_ Baekhyun, _together._

March.

… For their birthdays fell in January and May respectively; the midpoint, 50-50. Each of them a half of a whole, each of them a half of Kyungsoo _and_ Baekhyun.

_The 16th of March._

… and Kyungsoo still remembers that day, the vision playing in his head crystal, no matter the seconds or minutes or hours or days or months or even _years_ that have passed.

How could he ever forget…?

… how could he ever forget that day— the day he asked his love, his _light,_ his— _his_ Baekhyun, to be _rightfully his…?_

He remembers just how crowded the little sushi place had been, the little shack situated a ways from their college campus, the very same one they had their first meal at, _together._ It was a fact that Baekhyun remembered, Kyungsoo recalling how Baekhyun had teased him; eyes crinkling up as a snicker bubbled out of his chest, shoulder nudging into Kyungsoo’s own as he laced their hands together. Kyungsoo’s cheeks only stained, though, the Omega stubbornly keeping mum in a desperate attempt to keep his cool, not wanting to lose his composure in the middle of the busy street.

… and he remembers how Baekhyun had sighed then, almost inaudibly. He remembers feeling how Baekhyun tightened the grip he had on his own fingers, the Omega pulling him in just a little closer. He remembers feeling how Baekhyun had leaned in too, the warmth from his chest seeping through their jackets, a comforting reminder pressed right against Kyungsoo’s own arm.

… and he remembers how Baekhyun had pressed a kiss, small and soft but lingering and affectionate, the skin of his plump cheek blooming under the supple lips, before outright _burning_ under the whispered words.

_“I love you,”_ Kyungsoo remembers, the syllables so reverent, so fond, so _loving—_

_“— I love you, Kyungsoo-ya.”_

— Sounding _exactly_ like how Kyungsoo would say them.

… and that was what gave Kyungsoo the confidence— courage running through his veins at speeds heart-stopping, air knocked out of his lungs and mind blank, all senses going deaf, blind, and numb—

—… save for the touch of velvet against his fingers.

…

…

…

… Kyungsoo remembers his smile.

He remembers just how wide Baekhyun’s lips had stretched, remembers how he breathed through giggles, remembers how brightly his pristine teeth glittered under the yellows of the sun; beautiful, _mesmerising._ He remembers how Baekhyun’s cheeks had ballooned, puffing up from the force of his smile, stained the same pink as the one painted over his lips. He remembers how Baekhyun’s eyes had curved up, the sight always, _always_ endearing and always, _always_ adorable, the sparkling of the wet browns only serving to captivate, to _stun_ all those it caught the eye of.

… and he remembers the word.

The one word, the one syllable that Baekhyun had gasped out that day, right then, right there.

In the middle of a crowded street in downtown Seoul, a few steps away from the entrance of the quaint little sushi place, from the entrance of _where it all began._ The one word that was said just as reverently, just as fondly, just as _lovingly—_

_“Yes.”_

—… _as his_ “I love you”s.

… and Kyungsoo remembers.

He remembers.

… _he remembers how much Baekhyun had loved him then._

 

* * *

 

_“_ _I don’t— I don’t k—know, Soo—” breathless gasps, bowed heads._

_Confused. Lost. Pained._

… Guilty.

_“I— I love_ you— _I really do—”_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_“... But your_ Wolf _chose_ him.”

_…_

_…_

_…_

_… Silence._

_… and it spoke for itself._

 

* * *

 

“... Take care of him.”

A pressing of palms, the softness of velvet.

_Giving._

“... and be there for him.”

_… be there for him in the ways I couldn’t._

_… be there for him in the ways I_ can’t.

_… be there for him in the ways I can_ never.

 

 

 

… _be the Alpha he needs._

_… the one I can never be._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! :) Firstly, thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! :) It is rather short, and that's pretty much because I'm slowly trying to "build up" and "get into" writing again, so I'm essentially warming up, in a way? I don't know hahaha but yeah that's about it!!
> 
> Anyway, to explain a few things, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo genuinely and truly loved each other, they do! I did focus more on Kyungsoo's perspective because at the end of the day he was the one that was on the losing end, and I wanted to write angst so :P But the thing is, when Baekhyun suggested for the both of them to try giving it a go with Alphas during their heats once, they both ultimately agreed because it's essentially similar to the ig "mindset" of "let's do all of these things before your wedding bc we know that once you're married you can NOT do all of this" in our world. I don't fault Baekhyun for suggesting that, because ultimately he was young and he wanted to try new things, but at the same time he did love Kyungsoo too. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with Kyungsoo, and it was mutual.
> 
> But the thing is, unlike our world, nature plays a big part here. They have their Wolf counterparts, and Baekhyun's Wolf (a whole separate being from Baekhyun himself) sought out an Alpha after it had a "taste" of what being with an Alpha would be like. Baekhyun's wolf, prior to meeting Chanyeol, was completely comfortable with being with Kyungsoo (and by extension, Kyungsoo's Wolf) for the rest of its life, but then an Alpha had to come in and essentially fuck everything up ig. Also, Kyungsoo, even though he agreed that he would too get together with an Alpha, never did. Because he couldn't bring himself to; he loved Baekhyun too much.
> 
> In this universe, the thoughts and needs of the Wolf are ultimately the ones that the human would have to abide by, and because Baekhyun's Wolf wanted Chanyeol, he had to unfortunately let Kyungsoo go. And boy... did my heart HURT :(
> 
> But anyway!! Thank you once again for reading, and I hope you liked it! :) I would love to hear your thoughts and any opinions you might have, and I'm always open to criticism, so if you find that there are areas that I can improve in, please do let me know down in the comments below! Thank you, and see you in the next story! :)


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